Time for the nurse story.
So I go in to the treatment centre in Shrewsbury for a biopsy on my ear lump. - Not sure what to call it but the scientific term is a whopper so will stick to lump.
Have to wait until last as it is local anaesthetic. Eventually get dressed in one of they hospital frocks and then get wheeled around the corridors on a wheel chair.
Met by trainee nurse who explains what they are going to do. Four injections in lump - a lot like dentist but not painful at all. Head quickly goes numb - make up your own jokes.
The nurse tells me that if it does start to hurt then I must say so immediately. It seems us men can be so brave! I assure her that she need have no concerns as if it hurts I will undoubtedly cry. Surgeon tries to take some fluid from lump and fails - this is a cause of concern to him.
Wheeled into the theatre where another attractive young nurse invites me to climb on the bed. Effect spoiled by the fact she is wearing rubber gloves and a face mask of the type favoured by welders - a bit concerned about why she needs such robust protection. She then covers me with green sheets saying, encouragingly, this will keep the blood off you.
Surgeon sits on a chair and then gets grumpy over the lights, lots of fiddling with two lights and I have my eyes covered with damp gauze. Starts to cut away - I feel nothing but can hear a grinding noise - again it is like the dentist.
Surgeon decides my ear is in the way. Nurse has to get a grip but little space so she lies across me!
After this is over the nurse apologises! I gracefully accept her apology and say just do not let it happen again.
They decide I need a pressure bandage. This proves difficult and in the end I have one of those you see on the movies with my head enclosed and my eyes peeping out. This gives a lot of harmless entertainment to the young lady who then wheels me back to the recovery ward. There are three of us like this in the recovery ward - we look like a bunch of extras for Stalingrad.
This is better than last year in the surgery ward. I think people are less seriously ill so we can all have a chat and a joke.
2 comments:
It looks like you had some fun writing that. Well, what else is there to do at 1.50 (a.m. I assume though Google time appears to bear little relationship to real time as far as the little hand is concerned - it tells me I am writing this at 04:43 whereas it is in fact 12:43).
So...this is what it takes to get cute nurses to jump your bones? Well, whatever works! Thanks for the pointers on technique and keep them coming! Good idea to record it all on a blog. When you're done you can turn it into a how-to book.
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